


The Guy in the Kitchen

by Neverever



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Drunken Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Meet-Cute, Texts From Last Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 09:19:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3686814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neverever/pseuds/Neverever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is so-so on going out to parties and his friends always have to drag him along. Then he unexpectedly meets someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Guy in the Kitchen

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Texts From Last Night Challenge. My text was: "(250): He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS."
> 
> Thanks to my beta for reading and reviewing so quickly.

Steve knew a lot about other people’s kitchens. Not that he set out to be an expert in kitchen arrangements. Kitchens provided excellent, instant relief from crowded parties and overbearing party goers. And if Natasha and Bucky insisted on dragging him along on their party circuit, then he was going to be spending significant quality time in other people’s kitchens.

Tonight was no different. Steve had a hard week with his latest graphic design project at work. That morning he had no idea he was even going to join Nat and Bucky for their Friday night plans. The client hemmed and hawed all day long over Steve’s designs, then signed off on their selection by late afternoon. That’s when Steve realized he’d been hoping for a late night at work excuse to get out of going to this party.

So now, he nursed a beer as he listened to a blonde woman chatting to him about her week temping at a law firm. Steve nodded sympathetically at the appropriate moments during her story until Natasha showed up unexpectedly to grab a drink and extract Steve from the unending conversation.

“So any luck?” she asked as she shooed away Steve’s paralegal temp.

“Uh, luck?” Steve replied, in a doomed attempt at playing dumb. After she had started practically living at the apartment that Bucky shared with Sam and Steve, Natasha had made it her personal mission to find Steve a special someone or at least a date.

“Come on, Steve. Those jeans alone should have gotten you some interest by now,” Natasha said, as if she was personally offended that people had declined to rip off his clothes the moment he entered the apartment.

Natasha also made it a mission to get Steve to wear the tightest jeans and t-shirts he could fit into. She described it as “advertising the goods.” Steve felt overexposed. He only went along with Natasha’s ideas because he did have a tiny flame of hope that he would find someone at one of these parties some time. Although that hadn’t happened yet.

“Anyway, Bucky heard about another party about ten blocks from here. We’re thinking about ditching this place and moving on.”

“What’s the problem with –“

“There’s only so many times that I’m willing to play Cards Against Humanity with Bucky. I love him, but his sense of humor … Anyway, you might have better luck at the next place. Bucky said something about basketball games.”

Another apartment, another kitchen. He liked this kitchen with its warmth and scent of baked goods and spice. Plus people were moving in and out of the kitchen grabbing drinks and food so Steve got to talk to nearly everyone. He was having a decent time and, for once, didn’t really regret going out in the first place.

Then this hot new guy showed up late in the evening, swaying as he walked into the kitchen. “Hi there,” he stated on his way over to a table covered in drinks. “Haven’t seen you before.” He gave Steve an appreciative once-over.

Steve flushed. Something about this guy’s looks hit him right in the gut. He had beautiful thick wavy brown hair, and playful brown eyes that were bright and currently glassy. And he had a round ass perfectly highlighted by his jeans. Steve was in awe.

Except now Hot Guy was gripping the edge of the table in a not-so-cute way. 

“Are you okay?” Steve rushed over to help steady the listing, slimly built man.

“I don’t think so,” the man slurred, “unless you have a way to stop the world from spinning.” He looked up at Steve and widened his beautiful eyes. “Wait, did I see you in an ad or something? Or on the runway? Because you look like you walked right out of Heaven and right into my life.”

“Um,” Steve replied. It had been a while since anyone had tried a cheesy pickup line on him. He might forgive the guy, given that he was the cutest thing Steve had seen in months.

Tony straightened a little, planting a hand on Steve’s arm for balance. “I’m Tony, by the way. Seriously, where have you been all my life?”

“I’m Steve. Are you okay, Tony? Where are your friends?”

Tony looked confused, his puppy-dog eyes narrowing. He ran his other hand through his hair. “I – I don’t remember.” He flashed a quick, brilliant smile at Steve. 

“Are your friends out in the living room?”

“Maybe – we went up stairs and then down stairs.”

Steve remembered something about another party in the building. “We should go find your friends.”

“Or just text them.” Tony rummaged in his back pocket for his phone, eventually dropping the most complicated phone Steve had ever seen into Steve’s hand. “Rhodey – he’s my best friend – try him. And Pepper too.”

Steve managed to pull up Tony’s extensive contact list and texted Rhodey and Pepper. He glanced up at Tony, who had the dopiest smile on his face. “Have I asked if you are an angel yet?”

“I think we covered that already.” Steve had the sense that Tony had drunk a lot already.

Tony put his hand on Steve’s waist. “You could be a devil in disguise though. But with those freckles” -- Tony brushed the faint freckles on Steve’s face with his thumb – “you’re still an angel.”

Steve now was blushing furiously. The phone buzzed in his hand. Tony snatched it. His face fell. “Rhodey is on the other side of the city. Wants to know how I ended up here.”

“So your friends aren’t upstairs?”

“Pepper might be – but she was with Rhodey.” Tony smiled sheepishly at Steve. “I honestly don’t know how I got here.” He fell into Steve. “Oh, wow, you are the hottest thing going, aren’t you? All muscles.” He poked at Steve’s chest.

Steve caught both of Tony’s hands in his. “Maybe you should go home?”

Blinking at Steve, Tony replied, “I’m fine, seriously. Let’s go find Rhodey and Pepper, and I’ll be fine.” He waved Steve onward. “I’ll just walk behind you. To watch you walk – your ass is a serious artwork.”

Blushing furiously now, Steve guided Tony through the crowd. He waved at a shocked but amused Natasha and hand signaled to Bucky that he’d call him. Then they were on the sidewalk.

Pepper texted several times. Tony actually called her, only to find out that she was at a completely different party from him and Rhodey. She’d been texting around trying to find out where Tony went. From the conversation, Steve could piece together that Pepper, Rhodey and Tony had gone out to celebrate Tony’s new product launch. And things had fallen apart after that.

Tony handed the phone over to Steve. “She seems to think you’re more sober than me.”

“I don’t know who you are, but could you get Tony back to his apartment? Assuming you weren’t on your way there already,” Pepper said.

“Uh, sure, where?” Steve said. He was a bit alarmed at what Pepper implied.

She rattled off an address. “And text me when Tony gets home, okay?”

“Sure,” Steve said. He looked up at Tony, who seemed fascinated by his shoelaces. “Your friends care about you.”

“They’re the best,” Tony said brightly. 

“So I’ll get a cab.”

Tony started furiously texting. “Naw, got this. I’m getting my driver.” He smiled conspiratorially at Steve. “Don’t tell Pepper, but Hogan has a crush on her.”

“Okay,” Steve replied. 

He was amazed at how as drunk as Tony was, he managed to have a conversation with Steve as they waited. Steve found himself telling Tony about his days as an art student at Pratt, then his work at Shield Graphics, and his pieces for an upcoming gallery show. Tony stood very close to Steve, who could smell the intriguing faint scent of Tony’s cologne. Steve hadn’t smiled this much in months, as Tony laughed at all his jokes.

Although Steve could probably pass on Tony getting handsy as they waited.

On the car ride to Tony’s apartment, Tony snuggled right up to Steve. “You’re the hottest man I’ve ever seen.”

“Uh-huh.” Steve had developed some opinions about Tony’s dating life based on Pepper’s reactions.

“Seriously, if you want to call my penis the destroyer, I’d be perfectly fine with that.”

“I wasn’t aware that was a possibility.”

Tony put his hand on the back of Steve’s neck and leaned in to kiss him. “You should consider it.”

Now, Steve was seriously in over his head. He had been so far beguiled by Tony. Who was fascinating. But very definitely drunk. Tony put his head on Steve’s shoulder and fell asleep.

Steve texted Sam: _He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS._

 _He? What you are talking about?_ Sam sent back.

 _A guy. I met. Uhh, long story. TTYL._ Sam was going to want an explanation and Steve had the sneaky feeling that Natasha and Bucky would tell him to go for it. Better at this point not to involve his friends.

The car pulled into a garage and up to a private elevator. “Hey, we’re here,” Steve said, gently waking Tony.

“Oh yeah, we’re here. Come up? Please? Pretty please?” Tony asked, his soft brown eyes pleading with Steve.

Steve frowned a moment. He wasn’t going to take Tony up on any offers, but he wasn’t comfortable leaving someone this drunk on his own. “Fine. I’ll see you upstairs.”

The chauffeur nodded knowingly to Steve, who suddenly felt uneasy about this. But Tony could barely move without putting his hand on the wall to steady himself. Steve propped Tony up and managed to get him to his apartment.

Tony pulled himself together enough to open the door to the largest apartment Steve had ever seen. Tony stumbled towards his bedroom. “Coming, angel?”

“Only to put you to bed.”

Tony laughed. “Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.” 

Once in Tony’s bedroom, Steve helped him take off some of his clothes, but left his underwear on. Tony proved to be an octopus, promising Steve all sorts of wonderful things if Steve just joined him for the night. Steve urged Tony to drink some water and then tucked him into bed. Tony tried to protest, but as soon as he hit the pillow, he slipped into sleep.

Steve found a wastepaper basket and set it next to the bed. He put a full water glass and aspirin on the nightstand. He patted Tony’s head. He texted Pepper that Tony was safe and sound.

Back in the living room, Steve pondered calling a cab or just falling asleep on the couch. He checked his phone, noted the time, and despite the discomfort of his jeans, he stretched out and fell asleep.

In the morning, he woke when the sun hit his face. 

“Hope it’s not too early for you,” Tony said warmly from a chair nearby.

Steve scrambled for his phone. It was about 9 in the morning. Late for Steve, who usually got up at six. He turned over to look at Tony, who was wrapped up in a blanket burrito-style, his hair sticking out all over. “Good morning.” Tony was still the best-looking guy Steve had ever seen.

Tony picked at the blanket. “You know, this isn’t usually how I see guys I bring home. Waking up on my couch.”

“You were drunk. It wasn’t right,” Steve offered.

“Ah, makes sense, I guess. You’ll be on your way?”

Steve frowned. “If you want me to–“

“Pepper will kill me if I don’t buy you breakfast at least. She said something about you being a keeper.” Tony looked hopeful.

“Breakfast sounds good,” Steve replied. “I’d like that a lot.”

“I’m hoping that I can dazzle you enough that you will forget last night.”

Swinging his feet and legs off the couch, Steve smiled broadly. “Which part – the part where you called me angel or the part you asked me to call your penis ‘destroyer’?”

Tony’s face fell comically. “All of it?”

“Well, I sort of liked the cheesy pickup lines,” Steve replied. “And I’d love to hear more about your work. It sounded very interesting from what you said to Pepper.”

“Okay,” Tony said, his face lighting up like the sun. “You know, Steve, this could be the start of something good.”

“Just don’t _ever_ expect me to call your penis ‘destroyer’,” Steve quipped.

“Deal," Tony replied with a laugh.


End file.
